Tourist Season!

I have already described my summer job and its influence on my obsession with the Sherlockian world, but after receiving a confirmation e-mail about 5 minutes ago that told me that I will be coming back again this summer, I have been reminiscing about some memorable moments at the castle.

I am also reminded of a friend’s facebook status that I saw this morning: “If you can shoot animals during hunting season, why can’t you shoot tourists during tourist season?” It sounds morbid, I know, but trust me, it’s a very real feeling sometimes. I find most of the following events hilarious now, but at the time they happened, I probably agreed with that statement wholeheartedly :P

• People don’t know what “museum” means. Basically they touch everything! I have witnessed a woman nearly ripping off the door to a one of a kind, hand carved bar. People also slam intricately carved, solid oak puzzle doors that are chained open for a REASON. They have been known to rip the train lever light switches off the walls [Note: these do fall out sometimes, just reattach them and they’re fine. I just neglect to do this until after the tourist leaves, so they think they broke it. They typically don’t touch anything else for the duration of their visit]. The icing on the cake was the drunk guy I encountered who decided it was a good idea to poke the paintings in the art gallery and tap on the original Tiffany lamp over the entrance hall.
• The guy who managed to break down a locked door gets a category all his own…at least he found my boss in the room on the other side. He is terrifying, even to us guides, and he’s supposedly on our side.
• The Red Hat Society and the local garden club show up with comparable shenanigans. Lesson learned: never underestimate old ladies in packs. The house tends to look like a tornado hit after the Red Hat Society shows up. They also have no idea what “one way traffic” and “do not enter” mean. The garden club also managed to nearly shut down the circuit breaker. That was a special day.
• Bus Tours: Don’t even try to enforce one way traffic or no flash photography, and be prepared for developing a twitch every time you hear the lever light switches. Some individuals might not even have tickets. Be prepared for battle at any moment. They travel in packs of hundreds. Although, sometimes they don’t feel like going inside, so they sit around, trying to chat up the guide in the entrance hall. One incident involved an old Russian dude who made me give him the entire speech outside and proceeded to declaim to everyone that I was telling “LIES! ALL LIES!” at the top of his lungs while swinging his cane wildly.
• People also have no concept of where they are, geographically. Someone pointed to the Connecticut River and started gushing about what a great view she had of the ocean. Now, Gillette Castle is in East Haddam, CT. One day a guy decided it would be absolutely fine to talk very loudly on his cell phone during my speech. “Yeah, so I’m at this castle…in Rhode Island I think. And this guy! This guy who built it! He wrote Shakespeare!” I’m not even going to comment on the second part.
• People who can’t see: The driveway winds into the park through the woods, and the trees part open on a view of the castle as the road continues toward the parking lot. A question I received on a frighteningly regular basis in the office: “Where’s the castle?” What I wish to say, “Well lady, if you missed the big stone thing in front of your face, I hope to god I never have to share the road with you.”
• People who don’t know what nature is: Gillette Castle is a state park. There is wildlife – much to the surprise of some of our visitors. A family comes to me at the front door and hands me a ticket. Well, the kids have to go to the bathroom, so the mother takes them and the father is looking around the grounds. They’re gone a while. They finally come back and the kids are talking excitedly about a deer that they saw. The father looks dumbfounded and asks, “You mean, in cages, on display in the nature center?” Um, no. Outside! Later in the summer we occasionally get some critters inside if the weather gets colder. On one of my last days a woman comes running up to the front door telling us that she saw a huge snake curled up in the exit stairwell. “You know, I thought it was fake, so I poked it! And it moved!” My coworker tries to be helpful and sympathetic. My response: “You POKED it?! Really?!”
• People with no concept of time: The house was built in 1919. We get questions about whether or not cars…electricity…plumbing…or METAL had been invented!
• People who ignore the existence of Gillette and believe that Sherlock Holmes was not, in fact, a fictional character and actually lived there. We get some great remarks from that one. One of the best juxtapositions: (After looking at a photo of Gillette’s manservant) “I didn’t know Watson was Japanese!” *facepalm*
• Real Live Ghostbusters!: We’ve seen some special contraptions. Seriously. There are also those who are absolutely convinced that the place is haunted. I saw one woman in the third floor art gallery who was jumpy as hell. The door closes behind her. She demands to know whether or not that always happens. She feels a chill and demands to know whether or not I feel it too. Well, yes, I can feel it. It’s the air conditioning. She moves into the library, screams, and runs back out. Now she can hear voices! I walk into the library. Actually, I too hear voices. It’s the speech that you can hear over the PA system. Wow.
• People who are utterly clueless: Overheard at Gillette Castle... (While pointing at the wall) “What’s on top of that rock? Another rock?” Yes, sir…Another rock. ??? (While inside the castle…the REALLY BIG castle made of STONE) “So this is Gillette’s houseboat?” (On the top floor, pointing at a metal contraption in an alcove) A woman explains to her granddaughter that “that metal thing” is part of Gillette’s train station. “It was a great idea! Guests could wait inside until the train pulled up and they wouldn’t get wet in the rain!” Did I mention the top floor? When the train starts flying, someone let me know!