Never Thought I'd See the Day...

…when I would admit that environmental economics would ever be relevant in my life. The class has been the bane of my existence all semester, and I cannot wait to kiss it goodbye forever. It has caused me extreme amounts of stress this semester and the final exam coming up scares the crap out of me. I had myself convinced that I’m an environmentalists, but will never ever be an economist. for the most part this is true. I don’t think in economic terms. However, some concepts can be useful, and I may end up using them more enjoyably outside of Econ 234.

For example, I must remember the huge difference between public goods and open access/common pool resources. Public goods being goods that cause market failures through nonexclusivity and indivisibility. Once the resource is provided, even those who do not pay for it cannon be excluded from enjoying the benefits. Also, one person’s consumption of a good does not diminish the amount available to others. Therefore, the public demand curve generated by the market for a public good will be stacked vertically and the good will only be valued at the level of the individual who values it the most. Open access resources, or common pool resources are characterized by nonexclusivity and divisibility. They can be exploited by anyone, but once they are used by an individual they are no longer available for anyone else.

I could quite possibly expand on the idea of biodiversity as a public good in my Cities/Environmental Studies thesis on land conservation in the public/private sectors. Biodiversity, and in some cases open space, is a public good with intrinsic and instrumental value in the form of use value.

I have actually covered open access/common pool resources multiple times in other classes without the underlying economic principles spelled out in so many words. If you take environmental classes, you will read Garret Hardin’s “The Tragedy of the Commons” for every single one! After a while the class’ reaction = “Oh god, it’s the damned cows again!” Although, as much as we grumble about it, we know how important this text is conceptually in a turning point of environmental history. However, for me, cows are fine now. The econ example includes bison…and there were GRAPHS (I’m not a visual learner by any means, so this is a daunting task)! I welcome the cows back. However, the graphical representation and economic perspective do complicate the issue and give it more weight.

I should try and refocus on ideas about renewable energy and resources through an economic lens. It will take a lot of studying, but I will be able to do it at some point. Who would have thought the recycling industry would be so flawed. Is it time to reconceptualize? Now I hated the class, but i have comfortingly come to terms with the subject matter and recognize it’s value. I will have to work extra hard, because I am still not an economics person, and will admit that there are still things that I do not understand. Thesis research and structuring begins this summer, after all.

Scottish Dance, Supernatural, End of Semester

I wanted to find an image that addressed both aspects of this post. Apparently this is what google comes up with for the search terms "haunted bagpipes" :)

Along with all of the work that had to be done, there was a mandatory rehearsal for the Scottish May Day demo tonight. We needed a chance to practice with our new music – bagpipes! They sound so perfect. The jig, Roaring Jelly, has been burned into my brain and I can do it in my sleep. The strathspey, Lantern Light has beautiful figures, however, I was not able to be very graceful after a minimal amount of sleep. I must also review the pousette right round for this dance. I switch genders from time to time for some reason. I am not a woman! Finally we went through the advanced dance, Pinewoods Reel/Founders’ Reel. I completely fucked this one up, and I usually don’t do that. I need sleep! The first figure is a figure of 8 around the couple next to me, not around my own place. Also, half rights and lefts comes after the crown grand chain, not burling! I need to stop going in the wrong direction. I must remember: shoulders back, head up, and smile. The footwork is generally good, but I need more turnout in my feet and more bend in the knee for the strathspey. I also need more patience for very particular/excitable people and dance instructors. I think it’s just that time of the semester.

After dance I stopped by a friend’s room to pick up a foil with major issues that needs fixing, so I can work on it before tomorrow’s fencing practice. I ran into another friend and started talking at length about a paper I will be writing for Lesbian Immortal next week, because it has to do with Supernatural! (squee of squeeness) I plan to do more research on the theory about the characterization of the lesbian other in horror film,and how she is demonized. My focus is a close reading of Supernatural, dealing with the character Lilith. My main points with her have to do with the queer child, possession, shared bodies, the uncanny, and the fact that it may seem like she has no future, yet she is triumphant in the end over the male demon hunters by breaking the last seal and bringing about the apocalypse. There will be more to come. This definitely felt like productive procrastination, but I have other work due before the end of classes that holds very little interest. I must get it done, because there are so many things to which we can look forward – May Day, interesting research, rewatching Supernatural episodes for class! This marathoning will begin with Lilith’s first appearance…Jus in Bello.

Wordle!

Stealing Mary's idea...

Wordle

Unpredictably Predictable

What did I do with my weekend? Fenced of course! Except it was not exactly as I planned. I thought I would be attending a women's sabre tournament on Saturday. That was cancelled, so I decided to try my luck at the mixed open foil on Sunday. It's a stressful semester, so I still want to hit things.

When I got there, my pool was hilarious. I was the only woman (to be expected at mixed events - there were only 4 in the entire tournament). There were multiple lefties (some of my best friends are lefties, but for the life of me, I don't have the point control to hit them. Although nothing will measure up to my pool at nationals last year - 4 out of 7 fencers were lefties). There was a novice, a veteran, a tiny youth fencer, a B rated fencer (compared to the rest of us who were D and under), the incredible hulk version of me on the strip, and Princeton dude (epic bout from the Princeton team tournament).

I started off fencing the novice. This was a good start. But, when I went to fence the veteran, my point control went to hell and I think I nearly hit the referee. I managed to run out the time, but he still won.

Then I had my rematch with the Princeton dude. 5-2, not epic at all, but I felt kind of smug that besides the B fencer and me, no one hit him at all.

Then I fenced a dude from Temple. This bout was just creepy, because he fenced EXACTLY like me, down to the insane footwork issues. I managed to secure that bout in the last minute, by making him miss. The thing about men's foil is that it can be like bull fighting sometimes. You piss them off until they charge, move out of the way and hit.

Then was tiny fencer. The final score: 2-1. i fail at hitting lefties, so it's not surprising that I only got one point, but this guy was so defensive that no one actually scored any points until the last 30 seconds of the bout.

Finally - B fencer. This was a disaster. Although, as much as I hate to admit it, I am super impressed by the flick over the head to score a point on my back. Kudos.

Pools are tallied, then direct eliminations. Murphy's Law: if more than one Bryn Mawr fencer shows up at a tournament, these two fencers will fence each other for the first DE. Sure enough, Camille and I fence. I move ahead to fence another DE, and lo and behold, who do I draw, but B fencer from pools. I tried to use his tactics against him, but it didn't work so well. I've had too much sabre. At attempted flick to the back hit him in the face. Twice. But, that was enough to piss him off to cause him to charge, so I got to walk away with one point! :)

Final placement: 14th. Not good, but respectable. Another funny thing about that day - It would have been 13th, but the 18th seed beat the 3rd seed to medal and earn his rating. that was kind of epic.

If Sherlock Holmes was Gay...or had any sexual inclinations, really

Sorry, this post isn't really that interesting. It's just speculation to start out the next phase of my English major. I am going back to Gillette Castle and am continuing on my journey toward becoming a Sherlockian. After the English major's meeting I have even more motivation to do so. I have known for a while that I want to write my thesis on Sherlock Holmes. I don't know exactly what critical lens I will be using, but gender and sexuality studies has been my focus so far, and I am still fascinated by the subject. I can definitely use William Gillette's Sherlock Holmes play as a supplementary text. Last summer I spent a couple of days stewing jealously as an employee at the castle watching two grad students use the castle archives for research purposes, while not being allowed in myself. Now I have my own research purposes. This summer I may actualize a Holmes geek's dream - exploring the archives, and possibly drooling over the first editions and random Holmes paraphernalia at Baskerville Hall.

I will conclude with this clip from the recent Sherlock Holmes movie, which I must say was completely slashtastic...this may end up being the theme song for my thesis :P

If you were gay...

Midsummer Goals

After the end of this semester, I will be headed back to Connecticut, because of my job for the summer. Well, most of the summer. I will be spending a week in Atlanta for summer national championships for fencing! After completely tanking in the foil event, I took third place in the women's sabre event at the Philadelphia qualifiers and am headed to nationals!

However, I have my work cut out for me this summer - converting foilists. I didn't actually think I could even be a decent fencer until I got here, because I didn't discover my true weapon until I got here. It suddenly dawned on me that the reason I sucked so much as a foilist was the fact that I am actually a saberist. That was cool! I never got a chance to try sabre in Connecticut, because the fencing culture there is still a bit elitist. They want to preserve the old foil clubs. Recently some of these clubs have deigned to accept epeeists, but sabre is still shut out of all clubs on a regular basis except for one - on the complete opposite end of the state form me. However, some of the younger high school foilists have become fascinated by sabre recently. My job when I get back to my home club is to become a catalyst for this interest, so I can have some saberists to fence with. It's a cool weapon, I swear! July 9th is my goal!

A Bryn Mawr Tea

Tea – I think of a drink that is delicious, flavorful, spicy, and sharp. I can always focus on my work better if I have a good cup of tea, because it is so inherently Bryn Mawr to me. Bryn Mawr students, including my friends and I, have been known on occasion to brag about our extensive tea collections, and we will see who has the most exotic teas. I also think it is important to look into sustainable, fair trade teas as well. Tea is comforting, because it can always be expected that if someone is sick or extremely stressed out, someone will visit them and bring them a cup of tea.

Teas are also the name for meetings, small party/gatherings, etc on Bryn Mawr’s campus. These can be hall teas, dorm teas, club teas, open campus teas, etc. There doesn’t have to be tea present. Sometimes you can find tea there, sometimes you can’t. However, the essence/emotional response to “meeting for tea” or a classy “tea party” is preserved.

I also participate in Scottish Country Dance, and this activity incorporates the use of tea as a social fixture as well. Balls have a break halfway through for tea, allowing people to enjoy refreshments, actual tea and mingling. This is actually written into the program. Some of the more informal social dances are referred to as Tea Dances. Tea plays a large role there too. Finally, even the Bryn Mawr dance class concludes with a meeting for announcements and tea!

Microwaveable Endeavors

Over the past couple of years I have found myself frustrated by the fact that there isn’t a kitchen that is readily accessible in the dorms, especially after hearing about the baking adventures of some of my friends in the Haverford Apartments. Here at Bryn Mawr, we do have the SGA Kitchen, but it is rarely well stocked and it is hard to get signed out. It is also generally used for cooking in a group setting.
This year I have decided to be creative and find a way to prepare delicious food using the tea pantry that I do have down the hall. Therefore, my goal has been to find classy, delicious desserts that can be made in the microwave. There are actually a lot of recipes that are designed specifically for microwave cooking and others that can be easily adapted from traditional baking. Most of the information I found came from online searches and food blogs.

Once I had a few recipes to try, the experimenting began. I began with cookies and some individual cupcakes. These turned out pretty well, but the texture was a bit off with the cupcakes. A recipe for chocolate, peanut butter, oatmeal cookies was phenomenal, because they were meant to have an interesting texture anyway.
My best success ended up being my simplest recipe. Chocolate covered strawberries. All they take is two cups of semi-sweet chocolate chips, two tablespoons of vegetable shortening (do NOT use oil or butter (otherwise the sauce won’t stay on the berries), and two containers of strawberries. The chocolate and shortening should be heated in a medium bowl in the microwave on 50% power for one and a half minutes, twice. Then the concoction should be stirred until the consistency is smooth and then it can cool slightly. Dip two thirds of each strawberry into the chocolate sauce and then place on a tray covered with waxed paper. Once the strawberries are prepared, they should be chilled in the refrigerator for thirty minutes. Then they are ready to serve. There is also a black and white version that starts the same way, but then, the strawberries coated in chocolate are given a second layer covering about one third of the strawberry with white chocolate. The white chocolate sauce is prepared the same way as the other one, substituting white chocolate chips for the semi-sweet. Both recipes are delicious, but I prefer the classic, myself.

Hangups with Blogging

So, it looks like most of us fit in a couple of categories of bloggers: those who jumped on the bandwagon and wrote immediately, and those who were resistant. However, I feel like I was not really resistant, just completely OCD. This has come up a few times in this blog, and I may actually go back through with the delete button and edit out the fluff, because believe it or not, it's taken me a while to get here.

The more stress in my life, the less I wrote. It feels forced, and I absolutely hate contrived writing. After this semester, I actually want to try to keep this up, because I want to see what I can do with general thoughts that are not under pressure.

I managed to get completely self conscious. The thought of the audience was far to prevalent in the back of my mind. I knew that a specific audience could possibly be reading this and that I did not want to completely alienate them, yet this was supposedly for me, yet this was a school assignment. Mixed messages.

The comment thing was also really interesting, as was the the idea of "following" blogs. I was a bit of a hypocrite here, because I felt out of place leaving them for others, yet I kind of wanted them in a way. I didn't know if what I had to say was worth reading or if anyone WAS reading it at all. That thought was kind of discouraging.

I have kept other blogs in the past, but a huge difference existed in the way they were structured. I had a blog on fencing.net that I still update occasionally. When you train for fencing, especially with a competition goal in mind, you keep a training journal and compile your scores for the season. You also talk about what you want to learn and what progress you have made. Many fencers turn this into a blog, because you get to share what you are doing with other fencers who might take your suggestions, and you get feedback from others and can incorporate their ideas. It's really interesting. For example, the former veteran world champion in women's sabre (she currently holds the silver medal), trains at the Fencing Academy of Philadelphia, and she also keeps her fencing journal as a blog, which I follow religiously. I also keep a mostly on, sometimes off again blog about my experience at Gillette Castle over the summer. Due to the fact that writing about these different realms has been so removed in the past, combining these very different aspects of my life felt very strange. This also came out in journaling when I was younger. Even though I am fully aware of the fact that it is impossible to present a coherent life story in this sort of medium, my inherent OCD seems to be bothering me when ideas do not make sense together.

I also alternated between talking about random ideas that popped into my head, and actually describing what went on in a day (which after reading other blogs made this seem incredibly asinine). I guess I had no idea what I wanted my blog to accomplish and didn't quite know where it was going so it floundered. I have ideas, yet I have no idea where they fit or how they should go together. I have posts saved, but never really knew how to construct them. Maybe it doesn't actually matter. I suppose the organic structure that seemed so freeing at the beginning actually held me up, because I didn't know how to use it at all. Let's try this.

Tourist Season!

I have already described my summer job and its influence on my obsession with the Sherlockian world, but after receiving a confirmation e-mail about 5 minutes ago that told me that I will be coming back again this summer, I have been reminiscing about some memorable moments at the castle.

I am also reminded of a friend’s facebook status that I saw this morning: “If you can shoot animals during hunting season, why can’t you shoot tourists during tourist season?” It sounds morbid, I know, but trust me, it’s a very real feeling sometimes. I find most of the following events hilarious now, but at the time they happened, I probably agreed with that statement wholeheartedly :P

• People don’t know what “museum” means. Basically they touch everything! I have witnessed a woman nearly ripping off the door to a one of a kind, hand carved bar. People also slam intricately carved, solid oak puzzle doors that are chained open for a REASON. They have been known to rip the train lever light switches off the walls [Note: these do fall out sometimes, just reattach them and they’re fine. I just neglect to do this until after the tourist leaves, so they think they broke it. They typically don’t touch anything else for the duration of their visit]. The icing on the cake was the drunk guy I encountered who decided it was a good idea to poke the paintings in the art gallery and tap on the original Tiffany lamp over the entrance hall.
• The guy who managed to break down a locked door gets a category all his own…at least he found my boss in the room on the other side. He is terrifying, even to us guides, and he’s supposedly on our side.
• The Red Hat Society and the local garden club show up with comparable shenanigans. Lesson learned: never underestimate old ladies in packs. The house tends to look like a tornado hit after the Red Hat Society shows up. They also have no idea what “one way traffic” and “do not enter” mean. The garden club also managed to nearly shut down the circuit breaker. That was a special day.
• Bus Tours: Don’t even try to enforce one way traffic or no flash photography, and be prepared for developing a twitch every time you hear the lever light switches. Some individuals might not even have tickets. Be prepared for battle at any moment. They travel in packs of hundreds. Although, sometimes they don’t feel like going inside, so they sit around, trying to chat up the guide in the entrance hall. One incident involved an old Russian dude who made me give him the entire speech outside and proceeded to declaim to everyone that I was telling “LIES! ALL LIES!” at the top of his lungs while swinging his cane wildly.
• People also have no concept of where they are, geographically. Someone pointed to the Connecticut River and started gushing about what a great view she had of the ocean. Now, Gillette Castle is in East Haddam, CT. One day a guy decided it would be absolutely fine to talk very loudly on his cell phone during my speech. “Yeah, so I’m at this castle…in Rhode Island I think. And this guy! This guy who built it! He wrote Shakespeare!” I’m not even going to comment on the second part.
• People who can’t see: The driveway winds into the park through the woods, and the trees part open on a view of the castle as the road continues toward the parking lot. A question I received on a frighteningly regular basis in the office: “Where’s the castle?” What I wish to say, “Well lady, if you missed the big stone thing in front of your face, I hope to god I never have to share the road with you.”
• People who don’t know what nature is: Gillette Castle is a state park. There is wildlife – much to the surprise of some of our visitors. A family comes to me at the front door and hands me a ticket. Well, the kids have to go to the bathroom, so the mother takes them and the father is looking around the grounds. They’re gone a while. They finally come back and the kids are talking excitedly about a deer that they saw. The father looks dumbfounded and asks, “You mean, in cages, on display in the nature center?” Um, no. Outside! Later in the summer we occasionally get some critters inside if the weather gets colder. On one of my last days a woman comes running up to the front door telling us that she saw a huge snake curled up in the exit stairwell. “You know, I thought it was fake, so I poked it! And it moved!” My coworker tries to be helpful and sympathetic. My response: “You POKED it?! Really?!”
• People with no concept of time: The house was built in 1919. We get questions about whether or not cars…electricity…plumbing…or METAL had been invented!
• People who ignore the existence of Gillette and believe that Sherlock Holmes was not, in fact, a fictional character and actually lived there. We get some great remarks from that one. One of the best juxtapositions: (After looking at a photo of Gillette’s manservant) “I didn’t know Watson was Japanese!” *facepalm*
• Real Live Ghostbusters!: We’ve seen some special contraptions. Seriously. There are also those who are absolutely convinced that the place is haunted. I saw one woman in the third floor art gallery who was jumpy as hell. The door closes behind her. She demands to know whether or not that always happens. She feels a chill and demands to know whether or not I feel it too. Well, yes, I can feel it. It’s the air conditioning. She moves into the library, screams, and runs back out. Now she can hear voices! I walk into the library. Actually, I too hear voices. It’s the speech that you can hear over the PA system. Wow.
• People who are utterly clueless: Overheard at Gillette Castle... (While pointing at the wall) “What’s on top of that rock? Another rock?” Yes, sir…Another rock. ??? (While inside the castle…the REALLY BIG castle made of STONE) “So this is Gillette’s houseboat?” (On the top floor, pointing at a metal contraption in an alcove) A woman explains to her granddaughter that “that metal thing” is part of Gillette’s train station. “It was a great idea! Guests could wait inside until the train pulled up and they wouldn’t get wet in the rain!” Did I mention the top floor? When the train starts flying, someone let me know!

Back to the En Guard Line

This past year of fencing has come full circle for me. National qualifiers are this weekend and I couldn't be more excited! Or nervous...

When I started fencing I never actually thought I would be here. On my second day of my freshman year of high school I was handed a foil, given a couple of pointers and was told to go hit people. So I did! Fencing has been my sport ever since. I continued for the next three years with a still forming team but we became more competitive as time went on. My high school fencing career culminated in an 11th place finish at states.

I started fencing with the Bryn Mawr fencing club immediately once I got here. I had a lot of bad habits to break and new technique to learn. We had a wonderful coach who got me to recognize the true fundamentals of foil fencing and actually USE them - all while writing her dissertation. (You are awesome [Dr.] Coach [Dr.] Kate!)

Sophomore year we found ourselves with a new coach, who is just as awesome and gave the team a different perspective of how fencing can be taught. That year I actually got out there and competed much more than I did freshman year, and I began practicing about once a week at the Fencing Academy of Philadelphia (which essentially became my home away from my home away from home).

Coach Ahren also gave me the opportunity to try out the other two weapons. I recognized that yes, I really did hate epee, but I fell in love with sabre and picked it up as a second weapon.

I began to feel like I was learning something and improving in my own time. I may not have started when I was 8, like many in this division do, so while I was not exactly at the level of other people my age yet, I was definitely moving forward.

I also became an assistant coach for the Bryn Mawr team, since our coach can only be there for half of our practices. I am learning coaching technique with a Fencing Academy of Philadelphia satellite school by being an apprentice coach for a youth class.

Last spring I tried out for the Summer National Championship. I missed the sabre cut by one bout (2 touches), but I made it for foil! Never in a million years did I expect to make it this far. Last June was a large regional competition (kind of like a warm up for me). I took 6th in unranked women's sabre there. Then nationals were in July. I went to Dallas, Texas for a few days for some really great fencing! (Apparently my weapons liked Texas so much, they didn't want to leave! It took me a couple days on the phone with the airlines to track them down and get them sent back home :P)

This year has been all about building up the Bryn Mawr team. We are part of a collegiate conference now and have had a really successful first season! This Sunday marks both the foil and sabre qualifying events. There is a much tougher field this year, but I'm going to fence my heart out! Next big event: Summer championships in Atlanta, Georgia (if I make it) or continue training for a bit longer and go to the North American Cup in the fall.

Lineage of My Ever Growing Sherlockian Obsession

I always liked the Sherlock Holmes stories growing up. My dad introduced me to the old Basil Rathbone films at a young age, so Sherlock Holmes was to me a source of casual entertainment and interest.

Everything changed two summers ago when I got a job as a tour guide at Gillette Castle State Park in East Haddam, CT. Gillette Castle is the retirement home built by William Gillette, the first actor to portray Sherlock Holmes. He adapted Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s stories into a play for the stage (with some interesting interpretations, such as having a man who supposedly never fall in love declare his love in the middle of a chase scene), and he also designed the signature costume that we think of today (deerstalker cap, Inverness cape, curved pipe and magnifying glass).

I fell in love with the place immediately. The design, architecture and intricacies (such as a surveillance system in the entrance hall constructed of somewhat obscured mirrors, a passage connecting Gillette’s study to the outside so he could slip away quickly, stairs to nowhere in the study that cover up a mistake made in the design of the workshop stairs a floor below, and a trick bar with a hidden lock that was used purely for tricking guests) were absolutely amazing and they reflected the eccentric (in a good way) man who had developed the history of the home.

Then I started rereading the Holmes stories again and became utterly fascinated, finding connections between them and castle everywhere! For example, in A Study in Scarlet Holmes asks Watson what he can tell him about the stairs in the entrance way. He describes them perfectly. However, when Holmes then asks him how many there are, he cannot tell him. “You see, but you do not observe,” says Holmes. He then lets Watson know that there are seventeen of them. There are seventeen steps in the entrance way to Gillette Castle. This is a fun tidbit to use when leading school tours. Soon I began keeping a journal of my literary investigations. In general, being able to relate pieces in the house and parts of Gillette’s history to Holmes canon entertained and appeased super inquisitive tourists.

Throughout this entire process, I was in acquaintance of a couple of volunteers that appeared at the castle every Sunday afternoon, and in my opinion are some of the coolest people on earth. Their names are Mr. and Mrs. Niver and they are Sherlockians! They can practically recite Sherlock Holmes stories, act out scenes from Gillette’s Sherlock Holmes play, they own a plethora of Holmes paraphernalia and they call their estate Baskerville Hall. They were at the castle every weekend as Mr. William Gillette and his wife Helen (who never actually lived in that house, but that’s ok), in costume as Sherlock Holmes and an actress of the late 1800s. They entertained guests and always had time for us tour guides and acted as magnificent teachers. Their genius on the subject was astounding and from there, the Sherlockian world opened up to me. Basically, I want to be them when I grow up.

Sherlockian scholarship took on a whole new importance in my life – I began to really learn the stories, especially the ones for which Gillette had a special affinity. I read and analyzed Gillette’s play with its ingenious intersection of some of the best stories (in particular A Scandal in Bohemia, The Mystery of the Copper Beeches, and The Final Problem, with ideas from several others).

It was a great day when my boss suddenly realized that he’d hired people who were not just lackey tour guides for the summer when he overheard a group of us in a lively debate with a couple of literary buffs about Gillette’s characterization of Professor Moriarty, and how Holmes was juxtaposed with the heroine in the play.

My love of all things Sherlockian has continually increased to the point that everyone close to me knows it and is helping me to expand it. For Christmas I received a copy of the Complete Sherlock Holmes stories, my very own boxed set of all of the Basil Rathbone films and one of the BBC Miniseries (with Peter Cushing), a mystery solver puzzle and even a stuffed Sherlock Holmes (in Gillette’s iconic costume) who lives on top of my bookshelf. I have recently added to my collection a copy of Gillette’s play, which was surprisingly hard to track down. I’m still on the hunt for first editions and first run promotional posters of the play starring Gillette. J

Shameless whining and whinging is really all I'm good for right now...

Yes, I'm one of those people that has fallen behind on the blogging assignment. Looking back and rereading my previous entries has left me feeling disconnected and with a bad feeling about them. Writing in this medium gives me the potential to make it disappear entirely with one touch of the delete key. However, this feels like cheating and a cop out. I can't bring myself to edit or erase any of it.

Struggling through the idea of a coherent self seems so childish and uneducated now. I have come to terms with the selectivity and performance involved in the whole process and now I feel like I just want to start over. There's too much here on the page and none of it really feels like it belongs to me. That would just continue this cycle I seem to be stuck in. When previous work does not seem adequate and I finally reach some sort of breakthrough, I just want to let go of the past inadequacies. Not this time - I have to learn somehow. Since I don't get a "do-over" in life, I do not get a "do-over" in life writing.

In the past I have given up other blogs and journals for this very reason. I really don't like the inconsistencies in writing forms and really strange conglomerations of different aspects of my interests, but they are there. In a way I had to slog through those textual performances to get my philosophy to where it is now. So, even though that delete button looks really friendly right now, these past musings will not go away. I will build. This may become even more disjointed as individual performances happen and I find that I actually can put more of my experience out here.

Back to Bacon...Fencing!

Today happened to mark my first full day back in my home state of Connecticut. I had hoped to be much more productive, however, one of my goals for the week has begun to be fulfilled - finding time to fence! This is important now for a couple of reasons. 1. I'm not fighting to fit fencing time into my class schedule. 2. Connecticut is a very foil heavy state, and I need some serious foil practice for the BWCFC Championship team event that Bryn Mawr will be attending in a few weeks.

Today also made me become a bit nostalgic. I do belong to a fencing club here (Fencers' School of CT in Guilford, which is seriously awesome!), but I still have a bit of an attachment to the first fencing club of which I was a part in high school. The Bacon Academy fencing club. Yes, Bacon. I will never forget Comas, my first fencing coach. There honest aren't words adequate enough to describe Comas as a person. He is well loved by everyone in that school. He has a great love for the sport of fencing, a mind in the gutter, and yet he is one of the most quotable people in my life with his profound statements. I knew him from the second day of freshman year as my fencing coah, and throughout senior year as my AP Spanish teacher. (Sometimes these realms mixed. For example, I distinctly remember being poked with a foil in the middle of class until I could trill a "rr" perfectly)! Today I was greeted at the door with a warm Comas welcome of a hug and kiss on the cheek and knew I had returned to one of the clubs I could call home.

Now, I typically feel like an old fart, because the kids with whom I would have fenced when I was actually in high school have since graduated. However, I have formed connections with the up and coming generation of new and better fencers. I feel like a mother hen for saying this, but I am always more hopeful and more proud of them every time I see them.

The club was still in the forming stage when I was passing through high school. There weren't many serious competitors, and as far as I know, only one of my fellow fencers and I have continued fencing in college. Although, oddly enough we both switched weapons - Kyle became an epeeist , and I a saberist (though as you can see, foil and I are still friends).

Now, there is an entirely different atmosphere. Multiple Bacon fencers just placed in the top 8 at individual state championships, and the men's foil and epee teams moved on to fence very well at the team state championships. An actual epee team exists! It's so exciting! Now I'll just have to work on introducing them to sabre properly :). I've gotten to know the foil teams relatively well, since I usually stop in to practice with them every once in a while over breaks. I am impressed by each and every one with whom I fenced today. (Yeah, my inner coach/proud mama is really kicking in now).

Devon, the club's newest fencer is getting so much experience so quickly, because she isn't afraid to just jump into the competition ASAP! In fact, she really reminds me of me at that age - really excited about the sport and learning everything by diving right in.

Jackie was the same way when she started, and you can tell that she has an incredible love for the sport of fencing. After a couple of years of training under her belt, she took the 5th place medal at the women's individual foil event at states - with another year to go!

Christian is a fencer with so much promise. He had fencing experience before high school and is only a freshman! He's already accomplishing great things and has so much time to grow (as a fencer...he'll probably grow height-wise as well, but he's already a sasquatch :P). Ok, random supernatural reference time over...sorry Sammy...I mean Christian! I will be looking forward o seeing where he goes in the future.

Last, but not least, Cooper is the fencer who has gone farther than any other who has ever been in the club - and he's only a junior. He has moved beyond just high school competitions and has fenced in USFA and large regional competitions. He's a disciplined fencer who also trains at another club in the state, and through training and competition experience, he as earned a D ranking already. Also, through his dedication he has become constructive and self critical, which can help to improve fencing if taken the right way. If not, it will become destructive. In this case, I worry that he is becoming like I was (still am occasionally, working through it) in terms of attitude. I will have to keep an eye on him.

Overall, they are a truly amazing bunch. Since I do have coaching experience, I try to offer all that I can in terms of shaping technique. However, I can learn a lot from their coaching for me on the strip, for they have gone farther then I may have an opportunity for, and I honestly enjoy what they have to teach me as fellow fencers. Thanks, guys!

Home Away From Home - The Comstock House

Spring Break always signifies a time to relax and get away from daily stressers. As much as I love Bryn Mawr, there is always a sense of urgency from which I need some time away. One of my favorite places of escape is my uncles' B&B in Vermont. Ever since they bought the Comstock House and rebuilt it from a 19th Century ramshackle farmhouse, it has been one of my favorite places on Earth, and it certainly didn't let me down this break for many reasons:

1. Gorgeous Vermont vistas: Rolling fields, extensive woods, rich farm land, duck ponds and snow capped mountains. The works. You can see any number of these things as part of the 360 degree panoramic view.
2. Delicious REAL food: My uncles have always been good cooks and now cooking is part of their living. They create the most delicious dishes featuring ingredients fresh from their farm; fresh eggs and chicken, lamb, vegetables. They even bake their own bread and make their own jam. I had the best lamb stew EVER this weekend!
3. Real Vermont maple syrup: quite self explanatory
4. Baby lambs!: Visiting during spring break means lambing season, and two dozen little white, black, or white AND black puffs of wool. The little darlings really are the cutest things I've ever seen. The last two were born a couple of hours before I arrived, so I got to see newborns this year!
5. Hiking/Snowshoeing
6. Little town of Plainfield, VT: Town where the Comstock House is located. Cutest town center ever! Main highlights = River Run restaurant that has been there forever, used/antique book store, local artisan craft store, and a yoga/meditation studio.
7. City of Montpelier, VT: There are so many discoveries to be made in this city. This time I got to see the T. W. Wood art gallery that currently houses the State Collection with pieces that were commissioned for state buildings. Of course, a stop at the Hunger Mountain Co-op is always in order.
8. Hunger Mountain Co-op: Just calling this a health food store would be an understatement. Not only is it my favorite health food store, it is a community fixture with information about events, activism, and opportunities to get involved on a local level.
9. Relaxing start to Spring Break

*pictures will be added once I get them loaded to my computer :)*

Hell Hath No Greater Fury than Women with Swords

At this point in time I must report on a very exciting day for the Bryn Mawr fencing team. Go Vixens! We had a team tournament with Temple and Princeton at Princeton University this past Sunday. First of all, it began at a respectable hour of the day. For some reason most people think it's a good idea for people to start swinging swords around and attempting to stab each other at the ass crack of dawn. Meaning, we pile into the van before it's even light out. Luckily we didn't have to be on the road until 10am. The day started off on the wrong foot, when it turned out that Princeton had sent us directions that were completely wrong! Since I was one of the drivers, I was not a happy camper. I feel bad for the team in retrospect, but luckily I kept it to a couple of snappish comments until after warming up, because I was pissed off, hungry, tired, and about to keel over. A chocolate chip cookie and a bottle of water later, I was doing ok. We got the team checked in, and we were ready to fence.

I was fencing foil, so we would have a full team. (There are only two full time foilists on our team.) Our sabre team had been dropping like flies due to illness, so we only had two of them. However, sabre was being fenced as an individual event, because Princeton didn't have any saberists. Epee was also an individual event for our three, because Princeton only had one of those. Foil was the only team event. Princeton had eleven foilists, nine of whom were fencing that day. Therefore the teams for the event were: Bryn Mawr, Temple, Princeton A, Princeton B and Princeton C.

I wish I had been able to see what had been going on with epee and sabre more, but unfortunately those events were going on across the room. Our saberists, Michelle and Annalee did extremely well. Annalee had an awesome DE (direct elimination bout), and was extremely close to medaling by a couple of points. Our epeeists, Courtney, Jeanette and Travis also did extremely well, and Jeanette did bring home the bronze medal.

Foil was fenced in a team of three - A: Me, B: Rachel and C: Lydia. We were matched up with the A, B and C fencers of the other teams in order to fence a round of pools. Everyone did really well. We went on to team direct elimination and began by fencing Princeton C, one of the first teams we faced in pools. Victory for Bryn Mawr! We won this round and moved on to the next to fence Princeton A. My favorite bout of the day had been with the A fencer from this team. He had been wiping the floor with people all day, so I had no great expectations for this bout in terms of score. However, I was not going down without a fight. As Rachel put it later, I basically went sabre on his ass. I wanted to have some fun with this so I went into full attack mode purely for the hell of it. He ran. Almost off the end of the strip. I ended up losing anyway, but it was 5-4 and had been tied up for a while. We lost our second DE, but not by a lot, and ended with a decent 4th place finish. Best part of the day? The looks on Princeton's faces when we started coming back like crazy. That's right guys! We may be smaller than you, but we are vicious! :)

Final tally in the fencing journal:

Victories - 8, Defeats - 4, Touches Scored - 53, Touches Received - 37, Indicator - +16

Overall, a decent day of fencing that was incredibly fun!!!

Hopefully one of my last WTF moments regarding blogging...

Seriously, they're breaking my momentum!

So far it seems like my issues with journaling/blogging have to do with the way what I'm saying is going to be perceived. I guess I'll chalk it up to hyperawareness of a possible audience. I know that we are always strongly cautioned as writers to remain aware of the audience, but for this particular endeavor it has proven to be a hindrance. That self consciousness that leads to selection of varying degrees had crept up to the point where I was not writing at all. A blog is a very funny genre. Everything that was discussed was true, including the idea that a blog deals with more of the constraints of autobiography than private journaling. however, the form which the writing takes still has the illusion of a private journal entry - the dated entries giving an appearance of an ever occurring present and the lack of coherence, or writing in the moment. I think that I got used to the fact that journaling was for my own reflection, but I was never really sure about blogging. I mean, I don't have a theme, because I figured that I would be asked to write about random things and I know how random my brain can get sometimes. Why be limiting? I also don't really know about audience either. I mean, I think it's safe to say that my professor is reading it, because she has to know whether or not I'm using the thing. Other than that, who knows? My blog doesn't have any followers, so I could very well just be writing for me. This not knowing has made it difficult to decide what and how to write. However this defeats the purpose, because it won't be interesting to me or anyone else if I don't actually write. Besides, the more we end up discussing forms of life writing, the more exciting it all seems!

We're All Incoherent, So There!

It seems as though I must already backtrack on a claim that I tried to put forth in my very first entry in this blog. Well, hey, I expected that to happen. This is a learning space. It looks less and less like I will be creating an identity around, or somehow owning this space, and more like I will be existing and interacting within it. At the moment I am along for the ride, and I'll figure out what happens as I go.

At the beginning, aka a few weeks ago, I decided that I would be "figuring out who I am and discovering my 'identity' from various sources, blah blah blah." This is a misconception that many people seem to have about life writing: the coherent self. It is a myth; it doesn't exist. There isn't one self that remembers every past to present, and who can encompass every identity, affiliation, relationship or interest that one has. Smith and Watson have a good way of putting it (47), "We are always fragmented in time, taking a particular or provisional perspective on the moving target of our pasts, addressing multiple and disparate audiences." Autobiographical writing is instead a performance.

Words from the wise:

~Tiresias - The prophet who existed as both a man and a woman throughout his life claimed that to fully know oneself was to die. Living happens in the exploration and realization of our many aspects.

~Virginia Woolf in Orlando: Orlando tries to call up facets of himself in order to discover which is the "true self", when in fact all are true, but they do not mesh together as one, supporting the idea of the fragmented self.

So, there we have it. No more coherent "self-discovery" from me. Just a performance - or in my case, perhaps an incoherent improv will have to suffice :)

Imbolc

Brighid's Gift

Aimlessly,

I wandered the icy garden

With a chill against my neck from more than the wind,

When I saw a woman before me,

Waiting by a fountain, filled with snow.

She smoothed her long red hair away from her eyes and

Smiled at me with her arm extended,

And told me that she had brought be a gift.

I moved closer, slipping ungainly on the ice toward her

Until I could see what she had brought for me.

She covered the remaining few feet, then stood behind me and

Clasped a thin, intricately woven iron chain around my neck.

I looked down, and there was the heart-shaped locket

That I had lost in the snow over a year ago.

It was newly forged from different metal, but I

Recognized it as my own

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Imbolc is one of my favorite pagan traditions, because I always encounter something new, no matter what. It is celebrated at the beginning of February and is known as a fire festival and honors the Celtic goddess Brighid (goddess of light, poetry, healing and smithcraft). It heralds the return of spring, and more importantly the life giving force behind the season. The tradition began in a climate with harsh winters (Scotland, Ireland) so people were expected to look hard for small, but sturdy signs of life. This sentiment was rather fitting this year. The ritual I attended was cancelled once due to a snow storm, and actually took place on Bryn Mawr's second winter weather advisory day. The goose prints all over Rhoads beach were a good sign, although it turns out that new signs of life on Bryn Mawr's campus are not all that subtle. They staged a loud, honking takeover of the athletic fields after all. A tradition that is usually observed is a meditation upon what one would like to see grown in health and strength, working toward the upcoming season. A meditation and ritual knotwork served as a calming catharsis to the uproar over the weather here.

"Whole Foods to give greater employee discounts to workers with lower BMI"

There was a lot of hype generated on the internet when this information became public. There was a lot of speculation. Since this release, the New York Daily News has spelled out a bit more information.

When I first heard about discounts based on BMI, I was outraged. BMI is such an inexact science and it has led to many people developing an unhealthy relationship with their bodies and with food. I am still outraged, but from a slightly different angle, now that I know that Whole foods isn't presenting this idea to the public at large, but to their employees.

Other factors such as cholesterol levels and blood pressure play small roles in determining whether or not the employee is in shape, but a lot rests on the BMI.

There have been points made against this endeavor that have been brought to the table publicly already:

-Whole Foods is rewarding people who are naturally thin, and this can be seen as discrimination.

-In a way, they are judging people on how they look.

-As one man stated - a healthy eater who is "kinda chubby" has to pay more to continue eating healthy.

I agree with all of this. The entire policy can promote poor body image and it is discriminating against a portion of the population. It can also prevent people from buying foods that are healthy for them, because they are forced to pay more. Shifting the demand curve here does change someone's relationship to the food they eat.

Based on BMI alone, even if I had an extremely low fat percentage, the way my body is built means that I would still be off from my target number. My "ideal" weight is impossible to attain based on this scale. I realize this, but there are some people who do not and will try anything to reach it. Some go to the extreme and stop eating.

Something to think about: people pay a higher price if their BMI is high, but nothing happens if it is below the proper range. This is a dangerous line to follow.

A Matter of Taste > Ethics? Scary, but quite possibly true

A discussion in Food and the City touched on the question of why we eat what we eat. It is a matter of taste development. The culture that I grew up in has a lot of farming history, and there are still a couple of small New England farms in the family. I've grown up with hearty, somewhat simple meals of farm fresh vegetables and meat when they are available. Even though I do not live on a farm, part of the year my immediate family gets a lot of our food from our own garden when it is in season.

On the other hand, yes, I am a meat eater. I tried to go veggie a couple of times, but it didn't really work out for me. Meat has been ingrained in my eating culture for my entire life. My uncle still owns a small farm in rural Vermont, and that is where my family gets a lot of our meat. Chicken, lamb and occasionally pork can be found, free range and truly organic.

I grew up with this option in the past, but the body does seem to dictate what you want to eat. Here at Bryn Mawr, I still it meat. Unfortunately it is a matter of taste. Watching Food, Inc. just made me step back and look at the situation again. I know where the mass produced dining hall food comes from. Seeing this process on screen made me confront my own actions...again. I feel guilty ever time I actually take time to think about this. Apparently the visceral effect is really strong, because it seems like regardless of how many times I try to theorize meat eating at Bryn Mawr from an ethical standpoint, I still end up eating it at some point or another.

I worked a prep shift in Haffner last year and had to chop impossibly large chicken breasts for the salad bar. They came in plastic wrapped trays as far removed from an actual chicken into the industrial realm as possible. The film got me even closer to this experience, because we saw the chicken house stuffed full of birds that were engineered to produce white meat. The breasts are caused to be so large that they were damaging their internal organs, and the chickens themselves can't even stand up on their own two feet. That's where that chicken on the salad bar came from.

I wish there could be more options for meat around here. Since there are not, I have a dilemma. So far, the choice seems to have been made for me by my compulsion to eat meat regardless of the fact that the slow food option is not there on a daily basis. There is a serious disconnect between how I feel about where my food comes from and what my body wants to eat.

--> Instant commentary from a friend reading over my shoulder as I'm typing this entry that brings up a tangent point:

She buys stock in what she calls the "anthropological" viewpoint, and is wondering why I even have an ethical dilemma at all. This is what humans are supposed to do - go into an area and exploit resources to our advantage. She also brought up the point that we genetically modify plants, and just because people always see "critters" as living beings, does not mean that plants are not.

I do not agree that this level of exploitation has to be the natural order of things. Humans have enough of a superiority complex as it is. However, there is one good point here. GMOs that are associated with the fast food agro industry for plants should be given the same consideration, but generally are not because the harms to do not show up as dramatically. There is a need for an understanding that the harms are there, and that people really do need to explore different options for where they get their food. Think of what the consequences of our eating habits could be if alternative food systems became more mainstream.

Multi-Weapon Wonder...or Disaster depending on how you look at it

All this talk about identity has made me think about the role of identity in the fencing world, which is surprisingly very prominent, even though it may not be discussed in such certain terms. Upon meeting, one of the first questions that two fencers will ask of one another is what weapon they fence, and an opinion will be made almost immediately, even before the conversation goes any farther. Fencers classify themselves and are put in categories by others based on their weapon identity. As soon as you make the decision of what weapon you are going to fence, you have taken on that identity and will be held accountable for that for the rest of your fencing career.

If you look closely there are stereotypical differences in styles, and some people swear, personality types between fencers in the three different weapons. On a serious note, the style of fencing on the strip is very identifiable. It takes a different type of mindset to fence each of the three weapons, so you can usually tell which weapon someone fences pretty early on. For example, foil is a point weapon with limited target area, so it takes a lot of point control. It also has right of way, so very deliberate bladework is involved as well. Epee is a point weapon as well, but the entire body is target area and there is no right of way (officially), so this weapon has a lot to do with timing and drawing out your opponent. Sabre is an edge weapon, so you can cut with it. Target area is anything above the waist since it evolved from a cavalry sword. Also because of this, it is faster because the timing is compressed and actions are typically more aggressive than the other two. I pride myself on having pretty good weapon-dar. As new fencers that I know have progressed, I have been able to predict their weapon before they had even made the decision. (I have only been fooled once by an oddly aggressive epeeist :P)

There is even some talk about personality differences between the three different types of fencers. Most of the time I don't buy into it seriously, but it is definitely the inspiration for some stereotypical jokes tossed around in fencing crowds. These are definitely a couple of my favorites:

Fencers in Town

...and one my coach has shared with the team many times:

Fencer Behavior at a Party:

Foilists: Typically the kind of sleazy guys who think they're cool, in the middle of the dance floor, awkwardly hitting on everyone that moves.

Epeeists: Traveling around in a little pack, sipping scotch and discussing philosophy.

Sabreurs: The ones at the table in the corner threatening to beat each other up while yelling, "MY beer!"

Throughout this whole process, I have had a very interesting relationship to weapon identity, because it was not so cut and dry for me. I'm typically referred to as the one with the "weapon identity crisis" because I fence two weapons - foil and sabre. Style-wise I'm a bit more of a sabreur, but I started out as a foilist, because that was the only opportunity I had when I started fencing back home and I don't want to give it up entirely. Both weapons are fun, plus I get twice the competition opportunity and I get to confuse people (although the joke is on me if I manage to whack someone upside the head with a foil, which does happen occasionally). Besides, I'd like to meet myself in a bar; I'd get to take awkwardness to a whole new level by hitting on people while dedicatedly guarding MY beer. It's been a fun experience. Sometimes I get to be the multi-weapon wonder, because I can fill in at team competitions wherever I'm needed. At other times, I get to be the multi-weapon disaster for the coaches who try to get me to train for both without confusing the two and starting weapon schizophrenia in the middle of a bout.

I had never really thought of the whole thing in this way until all of this talk about identity started. Although, I never really noticed how much identity had cemented itself in the sport culture until I came to terms with the fact that I was taking on two fencing "identities" at the same time.

What is a counter-riposte anyway?

The most difficult aspect of beginning a blog like this is being aware of an audience. This is considered public "journaling", but the key word is public. At first, I felt like I would have to make some sort of overarching introduction and justify myself to you, the reader. However, do I really need to do that? If you're reading this...you're already reading it, so there's no point in subsequently trying to convince you to read it.

There is another reason why I don't necessarily want to touch the traditional introduction at this time. Who am I? Or more importantly I suppose, who am I in this space? Well, I don't know. That's what I'm here to find out aren't I...in published form. I like it. Bring it on!

What this blog may have in store:

This won't be a themed blog, despite it's appearance at the moment. That feels far too limiting, since I may be going for some sort of (yes I know it's cliched...wait for it...) self discovery here. All nagging thoughts and ramblings are fair game. You are henceforth forewarned that you will be provided with the means to read far more about the world of fencing than you may have ever wanted to in your life (as if you couldn't tell from the layout :P). I will also attempt to wax poetic about dance, food, a bit of paganism, the Sherlockian world, you name it. In fact, I am quite content to sit back and just type.

And now for the awaited answer (for the non-fencing folk): Counter-riposte is a fencing term, of course. First, you initiate the attack against your opponent. Your opponent parries and then attacks you, but you do not run away or allow them to hit you. You retake the ability to attack with a parry of your own and finish the attack, scoring the point. That final action is the counter-riposte, in effect, giving you the last word. :)